so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
