His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
