While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
