who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
