there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
