I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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