You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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