Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Shame - the story of my life.
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