I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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