somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
