So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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