I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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