remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
