Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
