So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
