I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
