Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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