Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
