I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize