I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
