I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
