Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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