walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
