Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
