My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
