Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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