There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
