i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
