Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
