Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
