when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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