News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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