we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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