please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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