Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
