He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize