Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
