I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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