Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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