Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize