i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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