Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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