why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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