my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
