dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
