she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
