Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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