ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
