Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
