she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
