ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
false alarm. still invincible.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
