We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
my vag is so smooth its legendary
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
