she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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