So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
