Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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