Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
