I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
