the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize