WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
