we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
