Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize