For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
