All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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