Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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