I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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