He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
