This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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