If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
