Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Congratulations! We have a period
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
