Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
