I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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