its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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