Your tits are I can't wait for
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
