Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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