He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
