i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
