Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
