all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
