if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
