i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
