I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
