remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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