I heard we made out
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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