dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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