last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
