I just made out with a guy for $7.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
