We're like a lot better than the average bears
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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