i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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