just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She is in my trunk
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize