Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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