there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
