hotel room ftw
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
