If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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