there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
