I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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