Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
