So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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