I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
